16 April, 2016

It's Ok To Have A Caesarean

 I spent 3 years traumatise by the birth of my first son, I remember throughout my pregnancy a cesarean was something that was never discussed in any detail. So I assumed I would have a natural delivery. 
Having a caesarean  really affected me on an emotional and physical level. I felt less of a women and I felt robbed of a chance of doing something that my body should of naturally been able to do.

I was left with a large red raw scar and an overhang of skin that made me hate my body so much. There were nights when I cried myself to sleep and days where I was frustrated at being limited to what clothes I could wear. It's been almost 5 years since I've been able to wear jeans due to my caesareans. I never wanted a c-section but it was the only way to deliver my child safely. 

3 years after my cesarean I fell pregnant again. I discussed my options with my midwife early on and decided I would try for aVBAC. My wish for a VBAC never happened.... I ended up having my second emergency caesarean. I spent weeks recovering due to my traumatic delivery and post op complications. 

They say time's a healer.... 

5 years since my first caesarean and my feelings have changed, it's ok to have a caesarean. It's ok that I couldn't naturally labour, it doesn't make me any less of a woman or mother.  It's ok that I may never wear jeans again because I have discovered jeggings!  It's ok that I wanted a VBAC and I'm ok that I didn't get one. 

It's all ok ........

It's ok because I know I delivered my babies in the safest way possible, It doesn't matter what others say. I wear my now faded scars with pride because they gave my babies life. 
Seeing my boys reach each and every milestone made me realise that it doesn't matter how they got here as, it just matters that they are here.  

You should never feel any less of a woman or mother for having a caesarean, it's perfectly fine to have a caesarean just like it's perfectly acceptable to have a natural birth. 
Never let anyone make you feel otherwise. Having a caesarean made me feel so guilty for so long and actually it should never of had to be like that. 

If your pregnant and scared of the thought of needing a caesarean please don't be. 


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