01 January, 2017

2017: Being The Best Version Of Me

Another year almost past and as I sit and write this post I reflect over the last year, over the last 26 years and I think to myself " What have I achieved?" "Am I content with the way my life is panning out?" Every year we as a nation set goals for ourselves, some are realistic and some not. And let's face it only a few will keep to their resolutions, so why do we keep making them? 

For 2017 I will be breaking a habit, a tradition of the last 15 years on making New Year's resolutions and instead of setting the goals I never stick too, the goals I have in my diaries that have never been started and the ones that I failed at after a couple of days or months, I'm just going to concentrate on being the best version of me. 

Some of you will know I have spent many years a slave to my anxiety, giving in to opportunities, playing it safe and just being boring. I have spent so many years wishing I'd done this wishing I'd done that and now I'm 4 years from 30 and starting to panic that I've wasted so much time. 

I've wasted so much time on how others think, how others see me when really I should only worry about how I feel about myself. As long as I'm happy that's all that matters right? 

2017 is my year to focus on the things that matter, achieving the hopes, dreams, and goals I have been setting for years and the only way I can do that is by being the best version of me. 

The last 6 months have been tough with my anxiety, I've had my first flare up in a long time to the point where I had days where I would just keep having panic attacks after panic attacks. The stress of things lead me to not take care of myself and so I ended up putting on weight and as a result, I've ended up feeling withdrawn and uninterested in the littlest of things in life. 

What I want to do is not give myself a goal this year. Instead, I  want to concentrate on looking after myself spending time on self-care and having regular days to myself doing those little things that make me happy and hoping that the goals I set every year will then fall into place. 

What am I going to focus on? 

This year I have a couple areas I want to focus on, my health and taking a risk. 

My health hasn't been the best over the last few years, 2 years ago I was diagnosed with a form of arthritis that was triggered by pregnancy. I also have PCOS which I was diagnosed with at 14. 
Both of these conditions affect me every single day, from being in pain, to how I feel mentally and emotionally. This year I want to take care of myself, get my symptoms under control and get my body into a healthier and stronger condition. 

The other area I would like to focus on is taking risks. I have played my life so safe, so safe that I won't do something if I have a single doubt. The other day I decided to take a different route home because the usual way didn't feel right. Because I had a slight moment of doubt, a moment where my anxiety took over and convinced me that if I went this way something bad would happen. 
I want to take back that control and say no, to say screw it and just do it anyway even if I'm terrified inside. 
To not worry, to not hide back and hold back. This year I want to show the sides of me people may not see because my anxiety tells me I need to be boring. If you were someone who really knows me you would see so many other sides to me, but my anxiety puts up a wall and sometimes that makes me come across as harsh or uninterested. I'm really actually not like that at all especially if you ask my family! 

I want to meet new people and I want to succeed in life and in work, taking risks is something I really need to do. 

As I've been reflecting I haven't just been thinking about the negatives, I've also been thinking about the positives. What good has come to my life in the last 26 year? 

My children have been an absolute blessing if someone told me I'd be a mother of two at 26 I would have said no way! I always thought that I would have kids but at a later date, maybe starting in my 30's. I had this whole idea that my life would be a bit similar to Friends. You know the living in a flat with friends, working, having freedom to do whatever I want, getting up to fun and mischief at the same time. 

But I'm so thankful that I have my babies, they have changed me in so many ways. I now see the beauty in the littlest of things, from the way my eldest teaches the youngest how to play with his toys,  how their little eyes light up in excitement at new experiences,  to the pure joy of holding my babies and knowing that for that moment nothing else matters and all I can feel is their love for me and my love for them. 

My family have been a major part of my life and I am very much a family girl, my family pick me up when I'm down, celebrate the things I achieve and love and support me. I'm so lucky I have so many people I can look up to, so many people I can rely on and so many people to love and be loved back by. I know some aren't so lucky and I am so thankful and grateful that I have my family. 

I may not have experienced a lot in life,  I may not have been on holidays with friends, been abroad, travelled or gone to uni. But I have so many memories with my family and my children and I still have a lifetime of memories to make, so those goals those missed opportunities can still be achieved.   

 As I finish this post, fireworks fill the midnight sky, an injection of colour brings light to the blackest of skies. I feel a bit like Cinderella being visited by my fairy godmother. My own little moment of magic to signify the start of new beginnings.

  A new year, the same old me, just a better version of me. 

Happy New Year, I hope 2017 is everything you wish for and more. 



  1. Happy 2017 - I think you've made a good decision to ignore traditional resolutions.


  2. Such a beautiful post. I hope 2017 has been good to you.


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