03 July, 2017

Facing My Biggest Fear

We all have fears and phobia to some extent and that is perfectly normal, it's not normal when these fears take over your life. The last 13 years  I have been a slave to my anxiety and phobias.  I've Missed out on so many amazing opportunities because of that little voice in my head, that anxious state unable to rationalising that things were all ok, told me to not do it in case something bad happened.

At the beginning of this year, I posted 2017: Being the Best Version of Me, a post focusing on not setting new year's resolutions but instead to focus on myself and being the best version of me and that meant giving myself some much needed me time to actually look after myself. It meant tackling my fears and put the fingers up to the anxiety that has plagued me for years. I wanted to feel proud of myself and be the mother I have always wanted, the mother I have dreamt about being but haven't been because my anxiety restricted me.

Well, it's safe to say I'm on the way to becoming that mother because I tackled one of my biggest fears and flipped the bird to my anxiety...... I conquered my fear of flying! 

Now that may not seem much to some but I was terrified, the idea of being up in the air with nothing underneath me but the clouds and many hundred feet of space between my feet and the ground didn't go down too well. I felt physically sick, I already have a fear of heights and travelling far in general which on top of my fear of flying made the whole situation a BIG deal.

I wanted to and needed to do this, I want to be able to travel the world, heck I wanted to be able to travel around the UK without getting into a state, I just want to have the freedom to be free and to live my life with no holdbacks, without second guessing every single choice I made or where ever I travelled.

Flying wasn't what I thought it would be, for a start I didn't feel car sick or motion sickness like I thought I would. I didn't feel like I was on a roller coaster and my brain couldn't make the connection of being up so high so my fear of heights never bothered me. The only thing I didn't like was take off but once we were level I felt fine. Personally, I would describe the sensation of being on a plane very similar to being on a train or bus.

Now here is where I need to say a massive thank you because I couldn't have done this alone. I couldn't have stayed in the airport or even get on the plane if I didn't have one of my biggest support networks with me, my sister. 
My sister Stephanie is a frequent flyer, so I was in safe hands, with her no shit nonsense I knew she would put me on that plane no matter what I did or said and that was exactly what I needed. 
She took control so I hadn't needed to worry, all I needed to do was hold her hand and breathe and a lot of deep breathing I did during take off!
My sister gave up her time to come with me to stay with my friend so she could emotional support me and for that I am so forever grateful, she gave me the chance to see my dearest friend Vicki ( she blogs on over at The Northern Irish Mum) and her two beautiful babies as well as the rest of her family which is something I knew I couldn't have done alone. 

With 7 months into 2017, I conquered my biggest fear and I feel amazing. My everyday anxiety has been non-existent, I feel different. I feel more confident, I feel like I've metamorphized from a dull grey anxious moth into a bright beautiful butterfly, with the courage to fly free.
I can't wait to see what the next 5 months hold for me and how much I'll overcome, so far it's looking good with clear blue skies all the way to my next destination.


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